Our Favorite Accounting Jokes

• How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
• There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can't.
• What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9:18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait...... 
• Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts! 
• How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value 
• If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
• What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night 
• An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," he says. "Have you tried counting sheep?" inquires the doctor. "That's the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
• How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis? She gets a faster calculator 
• An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. 
• Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
• How do you know your son is going to be a CPA? When you read him the story of Cinderella and you get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, he asks you "Daddy, is that ordinary income or a capital gain?"
• An accountant is reading nursery rhymes to her young child. When she is finished, she answers her son's question: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible - but I like your thinking."
• Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical? They have strong internal controls
• Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will. 
• What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation 
• Be audit you can be! Cathleen
• How does an accountant stay out of debt?  He learns to act his wage.